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Nicks & Scratches

by Chris Parkes

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1.
There my love goes out that door again now On she walks poised will this be the end You didn't say that you did love me even if it hurt Or say that you did need me when it meant the most I didn't cry, you made me lie, you made me hide my pain inside But I died you wet the flames I took the blame and went insane Remember when we shared a love so deep and alive Don't you wish we could go back for another day I can see all the wasted kisses that I gave to you And the shallow hugs I thought were true And the loveless sex we'd never do There my love goes; I'm tired of feeling lonely The truth I don't know, if she'll even miss me Wait a minute there's one last thing I want to say to you Just take this pain Why this change am I not the man you wanted I'm the same, is there something more he offers Heartless wench my love you never knew And I say Vengeance will help you learn Truth is it's time you burn through I didn't cry, you made me lie, you made me hide my pain inside But I died you wet the flames I took the blame and went insane Remember when we shared a love so deep and alive Don't you wish we could go back for another day I can see all the wasted kisses that I gave to you And the shallow hugs I thought were true And the loveless sex we'd never do Wait a minute there's one last thing I want to say to you Just take this pain away from me
2.
You’re the friend that I have never had Mixed emotions that I never knew They were you All the bad dreams that you kept away All the pain that people said you brought You were not Help me find love again, please Love again, please Times when I thought that our end was near But I held on ‘til I lost your heart; we’re apart Now I wonder what we ever had What I felt might not have been so real Was it real Help me find love again, please Love again, please Frankly I have been a bit misled Misunderstood, and misconstrued my head All that I’ve learned is that it’s hard It’s so hard Very hard Oh, please don’t go Oh, please don’t go Oh, please don’t go my girl You’re the one who once made my shadow Oh, please don’t go You’re the light to remove my worries Why can’t good days last Oh, reminiscing in my past And how it’s gone and Now I sit and try to hear my heart It’s just hard I’m getting through each day Find a way Where from here I haven’t found the clue This day lives, but might not hold me fast Will it last Help me find love again, please Love again, please Frankly I have been a bit misled Misunderstood, and misconstrued my head All that I’ve learned is that it’s hard It’s so hard Very hard
3.
Cloudy skies start my morning rise And sunlight never hits my eyes Dark as night the days are Cold and wet my pillow Restless winds are blowing Trying hard to stay alive My life is such a waste of time and You’re to blame You’re to blame Sleepless nights start my every day And dark rings never leave my eyes All alone my days speak To the world I’m lonely Tired of fighting for the Lied of dream that never comes I know I’ve tried my best, because You’re to blame. All the tears I’ve cried Now I ask, for what It seems that I can see again All your thoughtless vows It’s a daze I could not leave But now I’m here I’m scared I could fall back inside Lost beneath my skin and ruminate in pain Times I thought that we were through But what I could not see Was the truth And I’ve grown so weak, so chapped my mind Surrender all my hopes to my resent Weak inside Weak alive And I drop my head, no self-respect Abuse myself ’til all that’s left is gone What you gain is all the blame Maybe now somehow, I’m free Maybe somehow, I’m free It’s not temporary I have changed No more cloudy skies Awake, but sane No more drugs to help forget your name ‘Cus you’re to blame for my pain Live in shame You're to blame I place the blame
4.
Cut your life along your vein Until you find you’re a bit insane Look beside yourself It’s then you find you’re all alone in bed She’s in your head No one can take that away from you You will find she has ruined you Fight her strong For you know that she’s gone It’s time you change your mood Now believe and tell yourself it’s all right Time will heal such wounds Help, help, help You write your book of sadness, and no one buys a page Pop some pills sedate your mind Look what she’s done to you What can I say to you to make understand That it’s within your hands She’s in your head You sit and watch all that they do And think to kill them brings a better view It’s then you change your mind You think there comes a time when you suppress your rage You have become The nightmare of your own devise You’ve become your own fear And you must reclaim The spirit that you left behind with her So sad Can’t remember when you felt a Warm hand Someone there to lift your chin up Now she’s gone Thoughts of failure Nothing’s lost its best she left you Nights of anguish Never was a match from heaven Take some time to think this good and through It’s then you find that it’s all-true You think life has gone to waste ‘Cus sitting in your pity world You try to understand how this all came undone How this all came undone You built yourself a shrine of pain Photographs of days that you’ll never have again That you’ll never have again Thoughtlessly you fall You give your soul and all to that whore Here we are again Down and out of friends; you begin to cry She’s in your head No one can take that away from you You will find she has ruined you Fight her strong For you know that she’s gone It’s time you just move on
5.
I think it’s time you know How you’ve hurt me through the years You ask me what you’ve done I ask if you really care You think I’ve held a grudge Well it’s not quite like that I kept my silence long enough You confused my child mind The truth was left untold Until I could not turn away It raped me from within How it hurt the one I love All the times I’ve asked for guidance, and you didn’t lend a hand Trapped I felt around myself, but you didn’t give a damn What was I to do when you didn’t help me I thought a friend was supposed to care Must have hurt your foolish pride You think you’ve been so kind Always done what’s right Never hurt no one Your son is hurt like no one else has ever done I had nowhere to go No place I’d feel safe Did you see my pain is deep It consumed my every day and held me down All those years with no words It’s like we had a conversation with our scarce communication What’s the use of trying when you didn’t care You don’t care All those days I’d wake up And I’d hope this day’s my last breath with you Maybe my one death would show you Why the fuck you’d put me through this anyway You act as if I’m dead And you push my corpse aside When you see me you’re ashamed Can’t carry on your name You think I’ve held a grudge Well it’s not quite like that I kept my silence long enough You confused my child mind You think you’ve been so kind Always done what’s right Never hurt no one Your son Is hurt like no one else has ever done I had nowhere to go No place I’d feel safe Did you see my pain Is deep It consumed my every day and held me down
6.
Dear John 04:09
Dear John, I want you to know I’m sincere Nothing else would make me happier Than to know you’re doing well You’re in deep, so young you were taken by greed All of its lies and it’s emptiness I want just to show you need help Lost in life you try so hard to see Shallow in image you show us all how to hide From the demons within your mind I’ve been there before In the delusion, intrusion, ruminous power of darkness Dysfunction is in our blood Dear John, I’m here now to help you regain What you have gave to this bloody game John, the time’s come for a change There once was a time when you played your own game No rules, but your own you’d break Your heart was robust and with it such trust You gave to your friends your love So, what happened to all that love Your dove’s wings they ripped and you lost your grip I know you can hear my voice So, please come back to me You’ll see how blind you are It’s then you’ll find how long you’ve hurt us all Fighting emotion your hungry ambition is all now That you have left to show. Now it’s time to change From the ego directed and greed that’s connected to you You’ll thank me in the End this useless addiction you’ve lived Too many times it’s hurt you John I won’t give up ‘til you are well Oh, John
7.
I Doubt 03:01
My days are counted, thoughts of suicide Where to go, all I want is to hide All the years I’ve been holding on What’s the loss no one would see I’m gone Oh, you know it’s true There’s nothing you can do And all you say is there’s nothing wrong with me I see through all your lies If you knew, why’d you close your eyes Oh, you know I’m right Someone turned on my light Up and down I'm barely sane And I don’t even know my name I can’t explain the reason for such pain Why me But the way I really feel inside is Something that I won’t let out If you’ve felt this way you’d empathize I‘m sure But I doubt you’ve ever cared
8.
I give my love All my times for you All I ask is for the chance That you'll love me I need you so bad Tell me what to do Tell me what to do Don't you know you drive me mad Don't you know you make me high Do you feel this way I do Please, just let me hear the truth I need you so bad Tell me what to Tell me what to do Still I wait I save my heart for you I'd give my life Do what it takes for you to love me I need you so bad Tell me what to do Tell me what to do
9.
How easy it would be To end my own life To stop this damn disease How nice it could become With such a simple tug A gunshot through my head But for some reason I Don't want to go It just goes to show Just how sick I But sometimes I can't escape There's not enough strength The strength I need to live But for some reason I Don't want to go It just goes to show Just how sick I Just how sick I Just how sick I can't seem to shake my deadly cravings to Waste my time in life I can't seem to stop Too much thought and no time to sit and not How'd I get this way and how can I change All I want this time Is to make it work I'll give my all and Hope I won’t fall l again like yesterday Yesterday I fell Yesterday I fell I can't play games When every year I get behind It's such a bind When I get lost within my mind And sometimes I close my eyes To desensorize And forget all that's gone astray But for some reason I Don't want to go It just goes to show Just how sick I am Just how sick I am
10.
I think I’m in love How else can I explain these feelings The burning, the longing to see you The pain and the loss when you're gone Please don't turn your head And leave me on my own Oh, how I want you A kiss to embrace you The need grows more the longer I can't be with you I think I'm in love What else would cause such hopeful feelings And tears that don't seem to have reason And days that don't seem to have flaws Please don't turn your head And leave me on my own Oh, how I want you A kiss to embrace you The need grows more the longer I can't be with you You fill my dreams You make me smile How else can I tell you how I What can I do to make you see I don't want to risk our friendship in the least Of all the other times I've been down this road before You'd think I'd understand that I can't keep asking for What I cannot have It's not quite that easy to me It's not quite that easy to me You help me up when things get rough You understand all of the Pain I cannot seem to shake away You light that dark filled room inside Oh, oh I think I'm in love I think I'm in love
11.
I feel so low down So put down And still Care of what you have to say Though feeling so gray Look at your picture And cry again Stop this Pain of what I thought I had But found I was wrong You think that you’re gone out of my heart I can say you’re not, still got a spot I love you my friend I’m planning on going, going on I’m planning on going, going on At least for the day I’ll walk the other way Try to get back on living my life my way Tell me what we had And what you said Is that "Our love is real and won’t die" It’s all making me cry You think that you’re gone out of my heart I can say you’re not, still got a spot I love you my friend I can’t love you, I want to Please take my heart That’s all I have Please take my heart That’s all I have I want you now
12.
And though I’ve been in love before I never knew I’d love you more They say I need a heart to love But I can love and do all right I only need you love Something good to hold on to I only need you love Something good to hold on to Trust is hard to come by now I always give it out too soon You know I love you baby Everything you do for me I only need you love Something good to hold on to I only need you love Something good to hold on to Every time I look into your eyes I see my future looking back at me And it’s nice ‘Cus you’re there Every time I look into your eyes I see my future looking back at me And you’re there At night I’d dream the day would come When all my hopes Would unveil the sun I only need you love Something good to hold on to I only need you love Something good to hold on to I only need you love Something good to hold on to I only need you love Something good to hold on to
13.
Weak in the knees you fall Breakdown from all the tension Of measuring up to fill someone’s pride Hoping to hide To keep them appeased and away And what do you gain This distress, this strain it brings you such pain Oh, such a game Just playing their game of pain My mind’s full of voices Of un-thought out choices Your winds busted through And I fell down Make it easy on me Make it easy on me Which of your words speaks of the truth And why do I feel it’s for your pride It’s time that you look And see that I’m alive It’s time that you think Not knowing what I want And if you can’t It’s probably that you’re just confused yourselves Tight in the chest you breathe Forsaken of all your senses Trying to feel Through your own hands And understand What it is that you need But they just intrude And tell you out crude Of how you should be But you can’t see Or feel free their way Laughter of torture And torture for laughter Her pain is so deep I cry her tears Make it easy on her Make it easy on her All the abuse that she has faced Gives her a strength that you can’t break It’s time that you give Some half of what you take It’s time that you creed She’s young she’ll make mistakes And if you can’t She’ll turn her back and make up for how you’ve lacked I bet it’s hard to take after all these years Of love, adoration, and countless tears And you learn that your not as good as you thought you’d be It hurts like hell Oh, I know I bet it’s hard to feel the love; the pain Is deep within a picture frame And you plea and you beg, but your son is away again It burns your tongue It’s been too long Just some acknowledgement just may have Made it all okay Who’s to say what we did was wrong I'd do it all again It’s time that you look And see that we’re alive It’s time that you think Not knowing what we want And if you can’t It’s probably that your just confused yourselves
14.
The day I met you I felt I knew you all my life There was something that surrounded you It was a newfound hope I thought I left behind Of all our days Well, there is none I regret we’ve had With the hardships that were thrown at us We’ve learned there’s more to love when what is said is done You showed me that there’s more to life Than living day to day You brought God back in my life And you helped me regain my faith Just understand I love you Understand I’ll never hurt you or our love I woke to my surprise A sense of warmth that filled my soul I sat strumming on my guitar While my mouth sang words my heart had held within, and I cried You showed me that there’s more to life Than living day to day You brought God back in my life And you helped me regain my faith Just understand I love you Understand I’ll never hurt you or our love There’s something that I have to do To let you know the changes in my life Are from those words you said to me There’s more to life than lonely days ahead Forever and always we’ll be What is meant when those words are said When a man’s not shy and says he loves his girl You showed me that there’s more to life Than living day to day You brought God back in my life And you helped me regain my faith Just understand I love you Understand I’ll never hurt you or our love
15.
Lost my love Hope is gone I can't think without her here What can I do What can I do How to grow I don't know Will I find someone else What can I do What can I do Can't you see I need help Can you lend a hand Take a step Forge a leap I sure hope I won't slip What can I do What can I do Can't you see I need help Can you lend a hand What's the use Where's my love I don't know what went wrong What can I do What can I do Can't you see I need help Can you lend a hand

about

This is the initial album recorded by Chris Parkes from between 1999 and 2005. Chris has recorded many other albums before this time, but this was the most impressive set of work and a true evolution of his song writing. Where this was this was at the onset of digital this was recorded on primitive equipment. It was remastered in 2021 for the formal release and sounds better than it ever has.

credits

released June 1, 2005

Chris Parkes

Mixed & Mastered by: Labyrinth Soundworks
Label: Labyrinth Music
Published by: Christopher Parkes
Song Copyright: Christopher Parkes
Recording Copyright: Christopher Parkes & Tami Sega

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Chris Parkes Haverhill, Massachusetts

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